Pen and Caffeinated Ponderings · The Modern Renaissance Woman

Dear World Kiss This Apology

Dear World,
I could begin this letter with an apology. Apologizing for the way I look. The size I am. Not being tall enough or short enough. Saying sorry for being to blonde, to white, to whatever society dictates in this moment. I could apologize for being a girl.
But I refuse.
I refuse to apologize for who I am, because for to long I have spent rejecting myself.
I won’t apologize for being born, because I know my parents love me.
I won’t apologize for being a girl, because regardless of how society has treated girls in the past. We ARE strong. We ARE smart. AND we CAN rule.
I won’t apologize for the fact that I am short. And yes I could get a handicap sticker because of my height, but I refuse to. Because I am proud of my height. I refuse to be ashamed, even when you pat my head like I am oh so cute, trying to belittle me. Because after your pity party and belittle-ing I am asking that hot guy to get the organic dairy free coffee creamer down at Wholefoods while you feel like you did a good deed. And I will probably get his number.
I won’t apologize that I wasn’t born blonde or that funny I choose to dye my hair color that. Regardless of what society says, I am not insecure or trying to be someone I am not. Actually as I type this I am debating dying my hair pink. And next week it will be blue. Deal. And while we are on this topic, no I am not a dumb bottle blonde either. I go to one of the top universities in the country, so stop judging. Stop assuming. Looks are not everything.
I am not going to say sorry for not being a size 0. I tried that. It almost killed me. I won’t say sorry that I think curves are actually quite sexy. Muscles are sexy. Different body types are sexy. As long as you are healthy who the hell cares?
I refuse to say sorry for my eating disorder. And I refuse to be ashamed of it. I am not weak. I am not striving to be skinny. I am human. And as a human we handle things in human ways. Sorry I can’t be Catwoman or Wonder Woman, but I have feelings to and emotions and sometimes you have to get those out. Did I do it in a healthy way? No. But I am healing and moving forward. Maybe you should too. And while you are at it, stop your flipping judging.
I won’t apologize for my sports teams. You don’t like the fact they win, well darlings, the simple solution would be to switch teams.
I won’t apologize for eating your food, it was going bad anyway.
I won’t apologize for my style. And instead of bitching about what I wear, how about asking me nicely, I would be willing to give you a few fashion tips, starting with that shirt.
I refuse to apologize for my shoe size, It is hard having midget frog feet!
I refuse to apologize for my music tastes, or lack there off, Keratin is just as much music as Beethoven, and yes midget white girl I am, I do like Kanye, Pharrell, and Biggy. I also like Brittany, Cinderella, Lady Gaga and Aerosmith. And yes I might be young, but I do know who the WHo are and yes I like them. Sue me.
I won’t apologize for crying for the five hundred and fifty sixth time at Titanic. Fine. It was over a thousand, but five hundred sounded better. And I also won’t apologize for leaving the room when Leo painted the nude scene….or for enjoying it now.
I won’t apologize for dancing in the rain. You only live once, and if I get hyperthermia, I am okay with that. I also don’t care if my shirt is white, after all I am proud of my body, enjoy the show.
I won’t apologize for my bad voice……Okay fine I do, because it really isn’t fair to subject people to that, but I do NOT apologize for singing in the shower, even if my neighbors can hear me.
I refuse to apologize for my religion. When you follow something it doesn’t mean you agree with everything, and no religion doesn’t mean, you are bible thumpers, or psychotic mass murderers. It means you believe in something, something higher and their is nothing wrong with that. I would support you if you believed in Yoda, or the Smurfs. Actually Smurfism would make a great religion.
While we are at it, I also refuse to apologize for my politics. You don’t agree with me? Great stop forcing me too. I love debating but not when you keep bopping me over the head with politics 1.0.1 telling me I am wrong.
I refuse to apologize for my baking. Especially when you eat all of it. Have you died from it? Then finish that last crumb.
I refuse to apologize for my snarkieness, sarcasm, attempts at humor, but also my sweet caring side, compassion, moments (few and far between) of wisdom, and attempts at being a human being.
I refuse to apologize for the fact that dogs are better then cats. Sorry but it is Truth. Fido could eat Pussy in a new York minute (and I just realized how dirty those names sound, but no I won’t apologize for that either.
I won’t apologize for my piercings. No I am not some pot smoking, molly taking, tattoo artist, but if I was, I bet I could live in Chelsea, and it would be rad.
I won’t apologize for drawing stick people, because stick people are so much better then bubble people, which is what I would be drawing if I didn’t draw stick people.
I won’t apologize for loving art, or history and being a nerd. Because nerds rule. Check out Bill Gates.
I won’t apologize for hating math, which pretty much guarantees I will never be Bill Gates.
I won’t apologize for loving Apple. And no Apple didn’t pay me to say this, but if they are reading this, I would love the new iPhone S. Please and thank you.
I won’t apologize for being a four eyed goddess. Glasses aren’t just smart they are sexy.
I refuse to apologize for reading Fifty Shades and hating it. Ad no I am not a prude. Sylvia Day writes so much better.
I refuse to apologize for yoga. Maybe you don’t understand it, but it has saved my life, and yes I will share those truths on and off my mat.
I won’t apologize for the fact that my therapist is on speed dial. And she might be my best friend. Even though I pay her to be.
I won’t apologize that I ice skated. And that I loved it. And that I still love it, even if I am washed up. Because I can still at the very least do a triple klutz, and maybe a sit spin too.
I won’t apologize for taking a moment to breathe in, observe the sounds, and say a silent thank you that I live in the greatest city in the world. We all should. Because New York is the best, I won’t apologize for that fact either.
I won’t apologize that I love perfume, and have over twenty bottles. Be grateful I will always smell good, even if YOU don’t like the scent.
I refuse to apologize for knowing how to throw a football and a baseball and any other kind of ball.
I refuse to apologize for loving wine, and cheese, and wine and chocolate, and wine and whatever elseyou can think of.
I refuse to apologize for the fact that my daddy raised me with a hammer and screw driver instead of a bottle and a binky. Love the fact I can fix that broken chair.
I won’t apologize for being afraid of spiders. Hysterically absurdly scared of them. Or for making you kill them, because I am currently half way down the street screaming bloody murder.
I won’t apologize for the fact that I love France, and would sell an arm and a leg, okay fine YOUR arm and a leg to go back there. Actually I could sell your head, I heard those were very popular in the 1800s.
I won’t apologize for the fact that I love my family. Craziness and all.
I refuse to apologize for my change. my evolution into the person I am now, for the person I was in the past and for who I will be a few years from now.
I won’t apologize for having a jacket fetish. Besides it lets you keep yours.
I refuse to apologize for being me. Whether or not this world accepts me for me. Whether society accepts me, I am me. And for the first time in a long time I am happy to be. With all my quirks, pet peeves, my giddy laughter. Me.
Lastly I refuse to apologize for love. Loving you, loving this world, loving what I do, just love. But most importantly loving myself. This world needs love, and it begins with loving ourselves. It isn’t selfish. Love begins at home, in our hearts. And it is from there that it spreads.
Peace, love, and no apologies,
Katie

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