I was at a wedding, when a guy I was tentatively dating – I say tentatively because it wasn’t official, nor did it ever become official- sent me a text saying only trashy girls post pictures of themselves drinking.
I was shocked and appalled. In no way was it a trashy picture. I wasn’t naked. In fact nuns show more skin then I was showing. I was laughing my derriere off, because I was having fun.
The “Trashy” picture in question.
In what was probably a more juvenile and passive aggressive move on my part, I proceeded to post more pictures of me “Trashily drinking.”
I couldn’t resist. Besides the guy had just sent our non-relationship to the dating graveyard.
Not that it matters, because it shouldn’t but I am a more elegant drinker. I go for the martinis and house cocktails. I don’t drink beer, aside from the fact I can’t drink it, I don’t even like the taste. regardless of that fact, it shouldn’t matter. I should be able to drink whatever I choose, even if it is coffee (which I have been known to ask a bartender for a strong cup o’ joe).
Another guy, whom I can put in the officially dated capacity, though it was really a New York Minute and probably never should have happened, stopped smoking, which was admirable and took up running. Which also would have been admirable, except he wasn’t a runner but acted like he was. The minute we unconsciously coupled, he stopped all attempts at being a gym rat.
I am not going to lie, I have been there, especially when I was a teenager and attempting to find myself. Changing who I was for a guy. Molding myself to his standards, trying to fit that perfect image. In the process, I was losing who I was. Those relationships petered out faster then most Hollywood relationships.
Because they aren’t authentic.
They are essentially lies.
If you can not be yourself with someone, it will never work. Oh it might last longer then Kim K’s marriages, but eventually it will end, and not in the fairy tale way.
Relationships shouldn’t change you, they should enhance who you are. They should make you a better person, but if you are constantly changing to please someone other then yourself, how are you being a better person?
This isn’t to say change is bad. It isn’t and like with any one or the passing of time, change will come. But it should come naturally.
It shouldn’t come at the expense of who you are as a person. If you are a fashionista, own that, don’t change because some guy doesn’t like that or accept it. If you hate hiking with a passion, stop forcing it, it will just build resentment, find another mutual hobby. But don’t force yourself into something you are not.
You do not have to be twins in a relationship. I have been in those relationships, and personally it is annoying as hell. I am always up for trying something new. I am also honest if I don’t like it. That honesty cuts both ways. I am also okay if my man wants to go off with the boys and do some thing. Sometimes cutting the umbilical cord is a good thing.
Relationships does not mean you must be one hundred percent alike. Life is filled with spice, let your relationships have that and most of all never compromise who you are as a person and that includes posting the kind of pics you want to post!
As always thoughts and opinions are welcome.