“Happiness can exist only in acceptance.” ~ George Orwell
Half way through yoga class, I had a revelation. It wasn’t earth shattering as far as discovering a cure for cancer, but it was something we all need a reminder of from time to time. And of course contorting your body into torture-asana is the perfect place for such a moment to happen.
Okay, sarcasm aside, when you are at your lowest IS generally when the powers that be hit you on the head with a “Come on get with the program” whack.
This monumental moment came at the half way mark of my hot power class after I had fallen out of every single balancing pose. Including handstands. Handstands!
Girl did not want to balance today.
I shrugged it off thinking maybe it was the crazy wind gusts we had, had. Or the fact that I had been sick and had no energy. Of course by the time I fell out of dancer pose, which is literally MY pose (hello skater girl!) I just shook my head and laughed like I usually do as I looked at my mentor and settled into child’s pose. Then it hit me. The almighty choir of angels began to sing.
For the last two weeks I have been fighting hard against myself. Stressed with a gazillion things to do to prepare for my trip, struck down with the creeping crud, putting way to much pressure on myself with various endeavors. I have literally been my own worst enemy trying to control what I can, because their is a lot I can’t at the moment.
In doing so, I am just causing more craziness for myself. More stress then is needed.
I also realized that I hadn’t been entirely truthful of the feelings I have had over this trip. Don’t get me wrong. I am super excited. But I also know to say I will be fine when I know their will be a lot of memories, is like the tye-dyed elephant in the room. The last time I was in San Francisco was three months before my sister passed. San Fran was essentially our last hoorah. I haven’t been back since.
Denying it. Fighting it. Ignoring it. All of that negative energy isn’t good for anyone. All feelings are necessary including the unpleasant ones.
We have bad days. We have bad weeks. We have bad years.
It is okay.
It isn’t a defeatist attitude to surrender. In fact it is courage to acknowledge that you can’t be type A perfection all the time.
You have to take a breath. And then another one. When you surrender, when you accept, that is when true change occurs.
Near the end of class we did one last back bend. I was going to pass because wheel and I have a love-hate relationship. It is a true torture-asana. I took a breath, listening to it and my body I unconsciously grabbed a block, took a breath and I pushed up into it.Breathing slowly and steadily. I surrendered. As I did my mentor came over to assist me and for the first time I actually felt comfortable in it.
When you accept, things do fall into place.